This past year at my daughter’s school they introduced a social emotional learning program and I was beyond thrilled. As a coach and a learning and development professional I know just how important social emotional skills are, even at the elementary school level. Research shows that social emotional learning academic achievement, behavior, resilience and grit, things we all need! When I was in school they taught us reading, writing, math and science, but little attention was paid learning about our emotions, let alone how to manage them. Most of the time, no one teaches us the skills we need to manage our emotions, especially during stressful and challenging times. What’s crazy is only about 36% of people can accurately identify their emotions as they happen.
Every signal that your brain receives has to go through your limbic system (where your emotions are experienced) before it gets to the rational part of your brain. This means that you experience things emotionally before your reason kicks in. Emotional intelligence is what connects these two parts of your brain. That’s why it is so important to increase your emotional intelligence skills. If you don’t you may find that your emotions control you instead of you controlling them.
Have you ever been in a situation where something happened and you just felt your emotions taking over? Maybe you did or said something in the heat of the moment that you normally wouldn’t have? That phenomena is called “Emotional Hijacking”and basically, it’s when your emotions take control of you and you just react. When something causes an extreme and/or prolonged emotional reaction, it’s called an emotional trigger and it’s usually tied to our own personal history and values. While the emotions are totally normal and valid, the reaction can sometimes major issues in our relationships, both personally and professionally.
Because we are emotional creatures, our first reaction to any event is going to be an emotional one. We have no control over this reaction, but we do have control over the thoughts and reactions we have after the emotion. In order to better understand emotions and manage our reactions to those emotions, we must understand our triggers. A trigger could be anything that causes old feelings to come up, anything that steps on your values or anything that makes you feel less secure. The first step to understanding our triggers is to identify what they are.
Think about the last time you got really upset at work. What happened that upset you? What actions or behaviors pushed your buttons? The answers will give you some clues to what your triggers are. Here are just some examples of potential triggers in the workplace:
- Someone not working as hard as you work
- Someone taking credit for your work
- Someone blaming you for something you didn’t do
- Not being asked your opinion something
- Not being appreciated for your work, especially when you went above and beyond
Did you notice any reactions as you read through that list? Paying attention to how you feel during different situations will help you identify what your triggers are. Once you identify your triggers, you can start to understand why they trigger you and begin to better manage your reactions. Being able to manage your emotions will go a long way in helping you build and maintain relationships at work and at home.
Have you ever experienced an emotional trigger? I’d love to hear your experience in the comments below!
